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This is kinda different from my other blogs. It's not political or anything like that. It's more of a situation where I have things swirling in my head and needed to get them out. Comment if you want if you can follow my train of thought well enough lol.
Is it possible for a person to be too nice or care too much for another? I often am willing to help people any way I can. Mostly by letting them know they can talk to me about anything without them having to worry about it affecting my opinion of them. I don’t force the issue, I just simply let them know and leave it to them. This has in the past lead to some close friendships and even stronger feelings (at least from my side), but I wonder if I am being too nice. I am willing to give people everything I can give to make sure that they feel happier and better with life, even if it means a little pain for me (stronger feelings (which I rarely if ever bring to her attention) not returned). I know that people have to make their own decisions in the end but I hate seeing them repeatedly choose to ignore their better judgments or repeatedly get involved with people who are simply wanting a notch on their sexual belt.
Is it selfish or stupid of me to worry about things in a relationship that may or may not happen? I don’t mean trust issues, but other things that go on in a relationship. For example, I am in a long distance relationship and have been for about two years (neither of us is close to being in a position to move). She says that I am “it” for her and no one comes close. Lately I have been debating on ending things. We get along great but have never had a fight (in person and by phone). A few annoyed times, but not a major fight. Now I feel that it can be one of two things: we won’t have major fights, maybe a few minor ones; or things are building up slowly and could end in a big fight. Should I end things to preserve our friendship and avoid any deep emotional baggage if we do have a major ending fight? Also this is my first relationship so I am also concerned if I personally can, for lack of a better term, keep my eyes to myself for as long as it lasts. How do I know if she is “it” for me when I don’t have anyone else to compare her to? It could be 5 years, more or less, before either of us can move, and I’m not sure if it would be fair to either of us to ignore other opportunities for that long. The distance makes it hard for me to be a true boyfriend and be there truly when she needs me. Her happiness above all else is my main concern and I am willing to see her happy with someone who can be there for her ALL the time. Again am I selfish, stupid, or too nice to think of ending things for those reasons? When does it become better to have hurt feelings for a short time, if it means happiness for both down the road with different people?
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Is there an it? I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteKyla and I spent nearly four years having an Internet "relationship," Dave; on multiple occasions she tried ending it; one day I'd had enough and dumped her outright. I thought that was it, and went about my day the next day, when, that night, I came home from work to see she'd traveled all the way from Wyoming to see me to make up! She moved in five months later.
I can say this as well: it's fruitless comparing one person to another. Take her on her own merits. I once was deeply, deeply in love way back when; I honestly thought I could find nobody else. And when that bitch dumped me it took me ten years to get over it. Now I cannot believe how lucky I was that she did. It literally saved my life. There you go.
The best of luck to you. You seem like a completely generous, deeply caring individual.